All About the Five Towns

On the south shore of Long Island is a neighborhood falsely called The Five Towns. It consists of 6 towns and 3 hamlets. The Five Towns had a moment most recently when Drama from Entourage was cast in its namesake show. His catch phrase was "Not in any of my Five Towns." Here is a bit about each of the 6 towns which border Queens near JFK.
  1. Woodmere
    Best luncheonette called Chateau or "The Chat" is right by the train station. Grab a "Mish" and hop a train to NYC. It's not that far! Be careful if you drive here on the Shabbat. Orthodox Jews walking to Shul have the right of way.
  2. Hewlett
    Called "Jewlett" by racists, this little town boasts it's own unnecessary school district. (There is a much larger district for the majority of the 5 towns)
  3. Lawrence
    The crown jewel of the 5 Towns. If you live in "the back" of Lawrence you are rich. Or you live in the crooked house or the one that sunk halfway into the ground. Or you live in one of those houses with the confederate flags near the country club that doesn't let in Jews, which I've never actually seen but everyone who grew up here knows it exists.
  4. Cedarhurst
    Come here to see and be seen! Marvel at the shi-shi shops that line the streets like Infinity and Jildor. There used to be a movie theatre and Victoria Secret here. Now most of the shops are closed on Saturday because Shabbat.
  5. Inwood
    Growing up in the Five Towns comes with a false sense of "street cred." being that Inwood is a relatively Urban community. This little hood bordering Far Rockaway helps to diversify an otherwise homogenous area.
  6. Atlantic Beach
    There are beautiful private beach clubs here. Watch Goodfellas for reference.