CHARACTERS ON EMPIRE RANKED BY HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT THEM

Empire might be the only show I truly love, but I don't pay a ton of attention while I'm watching it.
  1. 1.
    Cookie Lyon
    Basic to put her first, I know, but would be actually INSANE to put her anywhere below first. My nipples get hard whenever she's on screen.
  2. 2.
    Porsha
    I think she is the greatest comedic actress of our generation. Make her a Ghostbuster already.
  3. 3.
    Camilla Marks (Naomi Campbell)
    She referred to herself as Cleopatra. She does NOT want Lucious Lyon's money! She just wants her MAN. YASSSS KWEEN 💅
  4. 4.
    Elle Dallas (Courtney Love)
    Remember when Anika drugged her and she was rolling around on the floor but Cookie wouldn't believe her? I still have dreams about it.
  5. 5.
    Jamal Lyon
    Nobody puts baby in a trash can! Obligated to keep the gay one high on this list. Best active listener in the business. Stop wearing scarves!
  6. 6.
    Tiana
    Fully LIVING for her in "Drip Drop." Get her away from Hakeem forever. My lesbian role model.
  7. 7.
    Becky
    They need to give you more to do! I would SO watch a spin-off about Becky and Porsha sharing an apartment and working at a fashion house.
  8. 8.
    Jamal's Latino boyfriend
    He was cute! Really nothing else going for him though. But so cute!
  9. 9.
    Rhonda Lyon
    She is the white bitch of all white bitches! She is empty. I hate her (read: I love her).
  10. 10.
    Jennifer Hudson as that therapist
    Your music has the power to heal! This part made no sense! I loved it!
  11. 11.
    Hakeem Lyon
    Okay, I'll give you "Drip Drop" and you have good taste in women (Naomi Campbell) but I just. do. not. care. Adolescent male BS got me like 😒.
  12. 12.
    Olivia (Raven Symoné)
    Honey, I'm just glad to see you on TV again. A+ wig work.
  13. 13.
    Lucious Lyon
    Was watching the most recent episode and realized I had fully FORGOTTEN he has ALS. Not a great sign.
  14. 14.
    Andre Lyon
    Waaaaa! I'm crazy! 😪 Boo. Hoo. Get over it and sing me a song! And your half-ass "Lean on Me" in the elevator doesn't count. You're boring me, Andre.
  15. 15.
    Anika Calhoun
    I only liked you for your fashions. You are dismissed.
  16. 16.
    Mary J. Blige
    You were in THIS EPISODE and I don't remember what your role was. But I can't put you at the bottom because I want no more drama in my life.
  17. 17.
    Jamal's Irish(?) boyfriend
    Your accent hurts my brain. Is that what my ancestors sounded like? No sale. NEXT!
  18. 18.
    Cuba Gooding Jr.
    Forgot he was on the show. This is EMPIRE, babe. I need some scenery chewed or I'll stop paying attention. He had a thing for Cookie, right?
  19. 19.
    All the other male characters on Empire
    WHO ARE YOU? Any time there's a scene about business I'm like 😴😴😴.
  20. 20.
    Jamal's "daughter" with Raven Symoné
    Children have no business on this show. Bye Felicia!