JUMPS IN FIGURE SKATING RANKED BY MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM

I was a competitive figure skater from age 5 to age 21. I did pairs with my younger sister. I consider these jumps ex-boyfriends.
  1. 1.
    Flip
    Good old reliable flip! Note: this is not a backflip or a front flip like in gymnastics (that ish is illegal in skating!) It's one of the three jumps where you toe into the ice. I landed double flip before single axel! I can land this one in my sleep. You've always been there for me, flip. Flip is the boyfriend I'm proud to bring home for Thanksgiving and he's so nice to my parents.
  2. 2.
    Toe Loop
    Triple toe loop was the first triple that I had a good handle on. My sister had a real issue with toe loops so we never did them as a side-by-side jump. So I sorta feel like me and the toe loop had a special side affair. It's just our little secret, toe loop 😉
  3. 3.
    Lutz
    Lutz is the highest scoring of all the toe jumps. I always muscled this one way too hard and would take a huge chunk out of the ice. Usually got the most height on this one but sometimes I wiped out. Lutz was me at my most masc (not masc at all). Lutz was like a really hot, really dumb guy I kept hooking up with.
  4. 4.
    Axel
    Single axel took me forever to land as a little baby skater and gave me an existential crisis at age 10. I had a beautiful double axel for a while that suddenly got worse when one coach tried to change my technique. Axel is weird because it's the only jump where you take off facing forward and can see how insane jumping is. Axel is like the bad boy boyfriend that I couldn't resist. Mostly bad times, but oh, when the times were good!
  5. 5.
    Salchow
    Salchow was one of the easier jumps but for some reason I would frequently land it flat-footed or "cheat" it. I landed a clean triple salchow exactly once when I was back visiting my very first rink and trying to show off. My loan-out is named after that triple salchow. Salchow is like a GREAT first date that totally fizzled on date two.
  6. 6.
    Loop
    The loop can go fuck itself. It is so easy to slip off your edge and just wipe out. Briefly my sister and I had great side-by-side triple loops, which was a big deal! Then I sprained my ankle and I never got the jump back. This is the boyfriend I thought was "the one" but then he broke my heart by ghosting out of the relationship.