At the request of Steve Hely, I'm ranking the least deserving and most ridiculous Oscar winners from 1995 to the present. While this is completely subjective, my opinion is 100% correct.
  1. 2006 Best Animated Feature: Happy Feet
    WHAT. THE. FUCK. Have you seen Happy Feet? It is garbage for babies. A jukebox musical for creepy penguins. It was nominated against Cars (deeply bad but deeply fascinating) and Monster House (never saw it, heard it's okay). If none of the movies are very good, MAYBE WE DON'T GIVE OUT AN OSCAR THAT YEAR.
  2. 2005 Best Picture: Crash
    This one HURT. Never has a Best Picture win been more filled with animus. It was a huge "fuck you!" to the incredible achievement that was Brokeback Mountain. Ernest Borgnine bragged that he hadn't seen Brokeback and said John Wayne would be rolling in his grave (this coming from a man who married Ethel Merman). I think about Crash winning and I feel sad. The world sucked a lot harder even 10 years ago for gays.
  3. 2011 Best Actress: Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
    Put down your pitchforks. Meryl Streep is one of the best actresses of all time. Sometimes she's great in great movies (Sophie's Choice), sometimes she's great in bad movies (Julie & Julia). We gave her a third Oscar for being bad in a walk-out-of-the-theater-awful movie. Poor Viola Davis. Viola had to lose because the Academy was like, "I guess it's been a while since Meryl won? Sure, why not rip off the bandaid this year?" If impressions deserved Oscars, then Jay Pharaoh should have one.
  4. 1995 Best Picture: Braveheart
    Braveheart is a terrible movie. Among the worst to ever win. Cheesy macho nonsense. Deeply historically inaccurate (for instance, primae noctis is a straight-up myth). And super homophobic to boot! Remember when the King throws the Prince's gay lover out the window for comedy?! This movie is an F-minus.
  5. 1995 Best Director: Mel Gibson, Braveheart
    Mel Gibson has an Oscar for directing a terrible movie. Here are some directors who never won an Oscar: Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock, Robert Altman, Jane Campion, Terrence Malick, Spike Lee, I COULD GO ON.
  6. 2002 Best Director: Roman Polanski, The Pianist
    Should we give the Oscar to Rob Marshall, who directed the Best Picture of the year? Martin Scorsese, a legendary director who has never won? Pedro Almodovar, a Spanish genius? No, we've got a better idea. Let's give the Oscar to a man who drugged and raped a 13 year-old girl. He can't accept the award because if he sets foot in the US he'll be arrested. That's good, the show always runs long anyway! Insane. They gave the rapist a standing ovation. Even Meryl Steep got on her feet. 👎👎
  7. 2006 Best Original Song: It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp
    This is a story about a girl named Dolly. You see, Dolly Parton lost this Oscar in 1980, after writing one of the best songs of all time - "9 to 5." Instead, "Fame" won. In 2005, she writes another fantastic song for Transamerica, "Travelin' Thru." It's her time to win. Nope. Three Six Mafia come out here. Here's an Oscar that will immediately become a punchline. "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton
  8. 2009 Best Actress: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
    Just because you like someone doesn't mean you have to give them an Oscar! I like Sandra Bullock too but this was an okay performance in a bad "white savior" movie. THIS was the year to give Meryl Streep a third Oscar. Or give it to Carey Mulligan or Gabourey Sidibe or Helen Mirren! Sandra was a distant 5th place here. It would have even been better if Sandra won for "The Proposal." At least she's being good at her thing there.
  9. 2005 Best Original Screenplay: Crash
    Everything about this movie makes me angry. Although, as an Angeleno now, I guess I DO sometimes crash into people just to feel something. And just the other day I realized my maid is my only friend. This was at the height of the "sudoku movie" trend - "everything is connected" is not an interesting observation!
  10. 1999 Best Actor: Roberto Benigni, Life is Beautiful
    Hely also requested "ridiculous" and boy, that is what Roberto gave us! What is the best vehicle for this Italian clown? The Holocaust of course! What if the Holocaust were a silly clown game?!? Oscar! An Oscar for you Roberto Benigni. Now dance on top of the seats.
  11. 2007 Best Adapted Screenplay: No Country for Old Men
    The Coen Brothers were pretty up front about how little adapting they did. When asked about their writing process, Ethan said, "One of us types into the computer while the other holds the spine of the book open flat." Ridiculous. "That's not writing, that's typing!" Truman Capote rose from the grave to re-say. Great movie. Ridiculous win.
  12. 1995 Best Visual Effects: Babe
    There were only two nominees - Apollo 13 and Babe. I'm picturing the cast of Hee-Haw voting, "How in tarnation did they get that dern pig to talk?!" I really love Babe. This was not the Oscar to give it. This is ridiculous.
  13. 2013 Best Actor: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
    Imagine getting in a time machine, going back to 2006, and telling everyone at a "Failure to Launch" press junket that Matthew McConaughey would win Best Actor one day. You'd sound ridiculous. And yet we gave Matthew an Oscar for a thirsty performance about a straight man saving us poor helpless LGBTs. In his AWFUL Oscar speech, he thanks God and himself but never once mentions people living with HIV/AIDS. What is the opposite of "alright alright alright"?
  14. 2005 Best Supporting Actor: George Clooney, Syriana
    I like George Clooney. So winning. A true movie star! Can you tell me even ONE thing about his character in Syriana? I saw it in theaters and I can't remember a damn thing (I feel like he was maybe tortured?) But the Academy thought it was finally time to give George a statue! Sorry Jake Gyllenhaal! Maybe next time Paul Giamatti! I'm sick of people winning Oscars for popularity instead of performance.
  15. 2001 Best Picture: A Beautiful Mind
    2001 was one of the best years ever for Best Picture noms. The Fellowship of the Ring. A fantasy prestige picture that looked like nothing we'd seen before. Moulin Rouge! A breathtaking reinvention of the musical. Gosford Park. Robert Altman at his best, impeccable performances by Britain's finest actors! In the Bedroom. Raw emotional drama and Sissy Spacek's finest work. Nope, let's give the Oscar to this half-baked turd about a kooky guy who shows us he's smart by writing on windows. Cool.
  16. 2001 Best Animated Feature: Shrek
    In 2001, the Academy finally decided to have a Best Animated Feature category. At this point, Beauty and the Beast was the only animated film ever nominated for Best Picture. The Academy had given special Oscars to animated films before, like Snow White and Toy Story. But this year, finally a competitive Oscar! A way to show off the height of the form! The winner? Shrek. Fuck. What did we do?! Can we get rid of the category already? Shrek is only good if you are a stupid baby or on drugs.
  17. 1996 Best Supporting Actress: Juliette Binoche, The English Patient
    This one needs context. Juliette Binoche beat Lauren Bacall, who everyone was SURE would win. This was Lauren Bacall's very first nomination after a long career! The weirdness starts when Kevin Spacey does a Christopher Walken impression before presenting the award. Then, Lauren Bacall's horrified stare when she loses. Juliette, dressed like Count Dracula, accepts. "I didn't prepare anything," she says, "I thought Lauren was going to get it. And I think she deserves it." THEN GIVE IT TO HER!!!
  18. 2011 Best Original Song: Man or Muppet
    One of only two nominees against some song from Rio. Here's how the nominations worked in 2011. The Music Branch gave scores between 6 and 10 points for potential nominees. Only songs with an 8.25 average were eligible. If no song received an average of 8.25 or more, no nominees. If only one song was above 8.25, that got nominated and the next highest one. That's what happened in 2011. They changed the rules after because it's ridiculous. Maybe we don't have to give out this Oscar every year?
  19. 2001 Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Connelly, A Beautiful Mind
    Sometimes the Oscar just goes to who the Academy thinks is prettiest. What a blah "long-suffering wife" role. The other nominees? Oh, just Helen Mirren, Maggie Smith, Marisa Tomei, and Kate Winslet. We need a five-year moratorium on long-suffering wives. I'm looking at you, Felicity Jones.
  20. 2012 Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
    Okay, so I actually like Christoph Waltz in this movie and think he's a fantastic actor (plus, he's my only good impression). Why's he on here then? Two words. CATEGORY. FRAUD. You were a lead actor in this movie, Christoph Waltz. ADMIT IT! You are almost the protagonist! Also, I love this Austrian weirdo, but he didn't need two Oscars in three years.
  21. DISHONORABLE MENTION: 2012 Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
    Okay, I don't fully agree with this, but @louis and @tony have been bullying me to include it. I thought Jennifer did a great job and made me cry a bunch. Was she the fifth best in the category after Jessica Chastain, Emmanuelle Riva, Quvenzhané Wallis, and Naomi Watts? Oh, almost certainly. But she wasn't so far behind that it's ridiculous. I do think she planned her adorkable fall on the stairs though. I'm a truther about that.