LIKING THESE MOVIES IS NOT INTERESTING

Disclaimer: many of these movies are good movies! But they are liked by so many people that saying you like them means absolutely nothing. When you talk about these movies I feel completely empty inside and long for the sweet embrace of death. Pretty sure I'll be murdered for writing this list. Blame BJ for requesting.
  1. Fight Club
    Examine yourself in the mirror. Are you a high school boy? No? Then don't talk about this movie ever again. The only time you're allowed to mention this movie is when you're listing Helena Bonham Carter's entire filmography. And if you're listing Helena Bonham Carter's entire filmography to me, we're already in the middle of having sex.
  2. Any Disney movie from Little Mermaid onwards
    Saying you like these Disney movies means nothing. It translates to "I was once a child." I will give you a pass here if you're really into Home on the Range, but I will need to do an autopsy of your irregular brain upon your death.
  3. The Dark Knight
    You think Heath Ledger was AMAZING? Oh how fascinating, what else do you 😴 😴 😴... Oops sorry I fell into a coma for a year. Your love of this movie made every blockbuster self-serious and gritty. You ruined movies.
  4. The Godfather
    I bet your favorite band is The Beatles too. The Godfather is OBVIOUSLY a great movie. Why would you bring it up? Are you an alien impersonating a human being and trying to avoid detection?
  5. Star Wars
    Your high school bullies also like Star Wars now. Maybe this used to be interesting? I'm too young to know.
  6. The Shawshank Redemption
    "Chris was here" I scrawled on the ceiling beam before fleeing to Mexico to not hear you talk about this movie being your FAVE.
  7. Breakfast at Tiffany's
    Do you really like this movie or do you just like the poster? Because if I remember correctly, the actual movie is a delightful romance interspersed with some of the worst Asian-face racism I've ever seen on film. It's like a delicious pastry with a dollop of human shit on top.
  8. Reservoir Dogs
    This is the male equivalent of loving Breakfast at Tiffany's. I repeat, do you actually like the movie or do you just have fond memories of hanging this poster up in your freshman dorm room?
  9. Breathless
    The moment I knew I really loved my boyfriend was when he tweeted out of the blue that Breathless sucks. Yes, the French New Wave was an amazing movement that changed cinema forever. I hope we never talk about it ever again.
  10. Wes Anderson's entire oeuvre
    Guys, I love a lot of these movies. But have you ever heard someone say they love Wes Anderson and thought, "Wow, now THAT guy has interesting opinions. What an original soul!"?
  11. Anything Pixar except maybe Cars
    You like Pixar because you have a heart. This isn't a bad thing. But you don't need to mention you like Pixar to me. I will assume you like Pixar unless I suspect you to be some sort of serial killer.
  12. The Avengers
    Me human. Me like bright colors and loud sounds. Clap clap clap. Me want sequel!
  13. There Will Be Blood
    If I hear ONE more person tell me they liked There Will Be Blood more than No Country For Old Men, I'm putting on a black gown and walking into the ocean.
  14. The Goonies
    Watch this movie again with your adult eyes. It is objectively bad. Saying you like The Goonies is just a way of letting me know that you take a LOT of Buzzfeed quizzes. I bet you're excited for the Full House reboot.
  15. Mean Girls
    "I liked Mean Girls" is so obvious you might as well say "I am a human being under the age of 90." If I never hear the name "Glen Coco" again, you all win a special prize.
  16. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
    Please stop. You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.
  17. Donnie Darko
    "Cellar door" is the most beautiful phrase in the English language because it reminds me that I locked all those Donnie Darko fans in my cellar.
  18. Titanic
    You really want me to know that you were a person who had eyes in the year 1997, don't you? Like something interesting for once in your life. We are wasting time talking about Kate Winslet in Titanic when we could be talking about Kate Winslet in Iris.
  19. Love Actually
    I would rather take a bath in boiling hot cocoa than hear you talk about this movie. No, I do not want to come to your ugly sweater party. Oops, I just RSVP'd NO to your Christmahanukkwanzaa Gift Swap.
  20. Dirty Dancing
    🎶"I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to youuuu (refraining from talking about this movie)"🎶 Please let's only mention Jennifer Grey when we're imagining her reaction to her dad coming out in his 80s.
  21. Old School
    You think Will Ferrell is funny? Cool, what other opinion are you going to blow me away with today? "Music is good"? "The sun is bright"?
  22. 500 Days of Summer
    This is a specific type of uninteresting. I bet you are the type of girl who got bangs and then acted like she was the first girl to ever have bangs in the history of the universe.
  23. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
    This was the first "interesting" movie you ever saw, wasn't it? No shade, I own this one on DVD. But then I had it erased from my memory to make room for the entire plot of Grace of Monaco. "But that's a terrible movie!" you protest. Of course it is - but it's INTERESTING to talk about. Guys, I'm just so bored all the time. Help me out here.
  24. Knocked Up
    Congratulations, you survived the year 2007.
  25. The Princess Bride
    I have never seen this movie. You know why? THE ENTIRE FILM HAS BEEN RECITED TO ME OVER THE YEARS. I could honestly tell you the plot start to finish and I've never watched a single second of the movie. God, why does everyone like the exact same things? Why will no one talk to me about Susan Hayward's performance in "I Want to Live!"?
  26. The Breakfast Club
    Getting older is scary. I get it. But liking the Breakfast Club isn't going to stop you from aging. Confront your fears and buy a gravestone. Isn't that more constructive than talking about The Breakfast Club?
  27. The Prestige
    I got sick of people telling me to see it and making a big deal about NOT SPOILING IT for me. So I went and read the Wikipedia plot summary. It sounds okay.
  28. The Big Lebowski
    One time in college, my friends sat me down to watch The Big Lebowski and then they started reciting every line together the whole way through. I narrowly escaped this cult. It took me years to finally watch this movie in the safety of my own home.
  29. The Room
    Congratulations, you comprehend the German concept of schadenfreude. This director is a miserable failure but I'm sure he has more interesting taste than you do.
  30. Boondock Saints
    The worst part of high school was having to deal with people who loved the worst movie ever made. I think it's fallen out of fashion to like this movie but I just wanted to make sure my hatred was on the record.
  31. Annie Hall
    Everyone likes Annie Hall. Absolutely everyone. Yet for some reason people act like they're the ONLY person who has ever liked it. Sorry babe, you're not original. And that's okay. Liking candy isn't original either. We can't all be the most special flower in the garden every second of every day. I guess this entire list is a distillation of the sentiment, "I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." Like whatever you want. Except Fight Club. Fight Club sucks.