MY LIST OF SERVICES IF I WAS A PROSTITUTE

  1. Cupping Butts
    $0.05
  2. Telling you all three of my Twitter Handles
    $15
  3. Seeing me naked (vanity lighting)
    $15.25
  4. Seeing me naked (fluorescent lighting)
    $50
  5. "Credit Card"ing
    $55
  6. Listening with a permanent grin as you explain every moment of your favorite Family Guy episode
    $70
  7. Make kiss
    $75
  8. Holding a conversation in close proximity while I'm eating
    $84.99
  9. Letting you see my face when I'm sleeping
    $90
  10. Being pantsed in a church
    $100
  11. Joe Camel Cosplay
    $110
  12. Vulnerably Opening Up
    $5,000,000
  13. End of List