QUOTES FROM THIS WEEK'S BROAD CITY (S:3E:3) THAT MADE ME HEE-HAW

  1. [Squints] "Abbi? Listen: I know how to do it without popping your cherry. Your husband will never suspect on your wedding night."
  2. [Trey] "I just want to get in here, Axe my body from head to toe, and zen out."
  3. [Trey] "I remember my first time...I was 23 and had just learned I was allergic to cashews..."
  4. "Weigh in starts in ten, you guys. So you still got time to shave your pubes if you need to lose that last LB."
  5. "Todd, you are clearly underutilizing somebody who's got their Salad Fingers on the pulse."
  6. [Abbi] "I remember, Ilana! I remember the whole thing! I remember everyone being so fucking jealous because I beat them so fucking hard!"
  7. [Todd] "If you need sanitary napkins or similar products we give those away free here...I understand, uh, my mom spotted well into her 60s."
  8. [Abbi, after winning tug of war] "Red team, come eat my ass one at a fucking time...Come on! Line up! I'm sellin' tickets."
  9. [Nicole, into recorder after Ilana is fired] Day 511: It ends.
  10. NICOLE'S 'SISTER ACT' DAY DREAM IS FUCKING EVERYTHING
  11. Ilana: Nick, fierce shoulder pads. Date night?
    Suggested by   @roballen
  12. Abbi: I am going to knock your big swanging titties into next Tuesday.
    Suggested by   @roballen
  13. The dog sweater.
    Suggested by   @ltoiaivao
  14. [Ilana, upon learning that an investor is coming to Deals, Deals, Deals]: "Dude, this means MON-EY bc I have a bazillion app ideas that some crusty old white douche would jizz his little pantsuit for. Dis good. Dis REAL good."
    Suggested by   @ltoiaivao