Things I Would do if I Stopped Time when I was 9 Years Old

The year was 1999...
  1. Look at boobs.
  2. Look at boobs of every shape, size, color, and ethnicity.
  3. Look at the boobs in the lingerie section of my Mom's Sears catalogue.
  4. Passively pass through a crime scene to go see more boobs.
  5. Enter a high-end jewelry store, walk past the diamonds and rings and watches and go look at boobs.
  6. Visit a world famous art museum to finally study every nude sculpture and painting without being judged.
  7. Dig through a bog pit to find preserved bog people boobs and finally discover if boobs are in fact filled with sand as I suspect.
  8. Make elaborate sketches of all the boobs I see so that I may study them when time starts again.
  9. Go to the grocery store and steal enough food and water so that I can survive Y2K and hopefully one day have sex, which is of course when a man touches a woman's boobs.