Things I Would do if I Stopped Time when I was 9 Years Old
The year was 1999...
- •Look at boobs.
- •Look at boobs of every shape, size, color, and ethnicity.
- •Look at the boobs in the lingerie section of my Mom's Sears catalogue.
- •Passively pass through a crime scene to go see more boobs.
- •Enter a high-end jewelry store, walk past the diamonds and rings and watches and go look at boobs.
- •Visit a world famous art museum to finally study every nude sculpture and painting without being judged.
- •Dig through a bog pit to find preserved bog people boobs and finally discover if boobs are in fact filled with sand as I suspect.
- •Make elaborate sketches of all the boobs I see so that I may study them when time starts again.
- •Go to the grocery store and steal enough food and water so that I can survive Y2K and hopefully one day have sex, which is of course when a man touches a woman's boobs.