HOW TO BE ME

  1. Have poor sleep habits.
    Including, but not limited to, being unable to sleep without your dog in your bedroom, a maximum temp of 65 degrees, and a sound machine on.
  2. Love your job.
  3. Live 500 miles from your family.
  4. Require your apartment to always be below 70 degrees and some semblance of clean.
  5. Be an introvert.
  6. Go to therapy.
    Do it for real and do the work.
  7. Be a survivor.
  8. Have an Instagram account for your dog.
    Be only a little embarrassed about this. He's so effing cute/hilarious/goofy that it's basically a public service.
  9. Be conflicted about whether or not to grow out your shaved head.
    So many awful in between stages.
  10. Give up dating apps bc you only go on them when you're lonely and end up settling for so much less than what you want.
  11. Budget your money well and maintain your accounts.
  12. Take every opportunity to earn a little extra cash. Babysitting is mostly easy and it pays a ton. You're not doing anything on Friday night anyway, be honest.
  13. Watch Jeopardy every night.