Plot Twist: I did it with a butter knife
Warning: graphic pictures kiddos BC SO MUCH BLOOD OMFG
- •Last Friday, I got stood up for a date.We had been texting up to 30 mins before we were supposed to meet, and the last thing he had said was, "Yay!" to me saying I was on my way. WTF, dude.
- •In order to make showering, putting on real clothes, and (GASP) makeup not a TOTAL loss, I went food shopping on the way home.Side note: I always say food shopping but I think most people say grocery shopping and I'm a little self conscious about it but here we are.
- •I, of course, purchased ice cream.
- •Upon getting home and putting stuff away, I looked at my old ice cream, which was chocolate chip cookie dough. Except in a moment of weakness I had fished out all of the cookie dough and all that remained was a sad layer of vanilla with the occasional chip.I do what I want.
- •Rather than waste this layer of edible creams, I charitably decided to let my dog have it.
- •I grabbed a clean utensil off the dish rack, happened to be a butter knife, and stuck the knife in the carton to get some out for him.
- •BLOOD EVERYWHERE
- •It turned out I sunk that lil butter knife right through the creams and the carton directly into my hand underneath.I don't know my own strength. Apparently.
- •Ran hand under sink, only to see sink filling up with blood.The operative verb here for the bleeding has to be spurting.
- •"I need to go to the hospital. I need to go to the hospital. I need to go to the hospital." x45
- •I grabbed a washcloth, a fistful of paper towels, and requested an Uber to the nearest hospital.
- •And got my first ever stitches!
- •I now see butter knives in a whole new way.