1. If you don't have time for a bath simply wrap yourself in masking tape and peel the dirt off.
  2. If you have a stutter refrain from saying the word ghost because people will think there's one behind them.
  3. When in an elevator repeatedly push the button to make it go faster.
  4. Instead of spending money on binoculars simply get closer to the object you wish to see.
  5. If you tell an already calm person to calm down, they will become even more calm.
  6. Avoid getting chastised by the women in your life for leaving the toilet seat up by simply urinating in the sink.
  7. When writing a tip put a negative number, they'll be forced to pay you.