IF THESE THINGS ARE IN THE HOUSE, I LOSE ALL SELF CONTROL
- •A wedge of cheese. Don't you dare obstruct my path to the cheese.
- •Baking chocolate. Especially the chocolate chips in pantry now with the whiteish stuff on them. Mmm flaky.
- •A leftover waffle. Put that shit in a toaster and what you have, no one can take away from you
- •Nutella. Because I am a human person with a central nervous system that demands Nutella. I don't make the rules.
- •My roommate's open wine bottle. She won't notice one swig missing. How many swigs are in a glass? Dammit I'll replace this in the morning.
- •Sabra pine nut hummus. Oooh… oh you are a fancy hummus aren't you? You call yourself a spread but imma stick my fingers in you and lick em. I'd be hot right now if I wasn't doing this in front of the open fridge door
- •My VERY OWN carton of orange juice because I will drink RIGHT from the carton and NO ONE can say anything! This is why God invented America.
- •That Larabar I reserved for a post workout snack. I worked out earlier this week so it still counts. It's 1am and no one can hear the wrapper open, so don't call for help, Larabar. You bitch.
- •A salad. Just kidding.