IF THESE THINGS ARE IN THE HOUSE, I LOSE ALL SELF CONTROL

  1. A wedge of cheese. Don't you dare obstruct my path to the cheese.
  2. Baking chocolate. Especially the chocolate chips in pantry now with the whiteish stuff on them. Mmm flaky.
  3. A leftover waffle. Put that shit in a toaster and what you have, no one can take away from you
  4. Nutella. Because I am a human person with a central nervous system that demands Nutella. I don't make the rules.
  5. My roommate's open wine bottle. She won't notice one swig missing. How many swigs are in a glass? Dammit I'll replace this in the morning.
  6. Sabra pine nut hummus. Oooh… oh you are a fancy hummus aren't you? You call yourself a spread but imma stick my fingers in you and lick em. I'd be hot right now if I wasn't doing this in front of the open fridge door
  7. My VERY OWN carton of orange juice because I will drink RIGHT from the carton and NO ONE can say anything! This is why God invented America.
  8. That Larabar I reserved for a post workout snack. I worked out earlier this week so it still counts. It's 1am and no one can hear the wrapper open, so don't call for help, Larabar. You bitch.
  9. A salad. Just kidding.