SOCIAL GRACES I NEED TO WORK ON

The takeaway here is that I sometimes need to just shut it.
  1. Small talk
    When I'm nervous, I get stream-of-consciousy and say regrettable things. e.g. I ran into someone at Whole Foods whom I went to church with years ago. Me: oh hi! I don't go to church anymore, I felt like it was a hostile environment to single women… how are you? (I am still mortified I said this)
  2. Letting little shitty comments go
    I have some questions about your microaggression, Uncle Bill. Sorry to ruin Thanksgiving, mom.
  3. Little white lies
    Sometimes these are necessary. But when I must tell a small lie, I impulsively overshare the truth. E.g. Last night I was supposed to act like I didn't already know a friend had been asked out by this nice guy. Me: "That's so awesome! This is definitely the …the … second time I heard about this" Friend who had already dished this: "Dammit, Christina" It's a miracle I have friends.
  4. Laughing politely
    No, I get the joke. You don't need to explain it.
  5. Not eavesdropping at bars and coffeeshops
    There are just some real gems at these places, especially when it's obvious it's a blind date. But it's rude to do this and I should not have overheard this at a bar: Girl: "Cute dog!" *starts petting dude's dog* Dude: "He likes you. He's good at sniffing out hot girls" Girl: *silently continues to pet the dog hesitantly, does not look up*
  6. Recognizing a question as rhetorical or a silence filler.
    Oh… you didn't want the history of Daylight Saving Time that I heard on a podcast. I thought you were actually asking.
  7. Ignoring street harassment
    I used to better at this, now I respond, which is often a bad idea. Last week I had to walk through a group of construction workers on break, sitting on either side of the sidewalk. They stopped talking as I approached and started the looking-me-up-and-down thing, waiting for me to get in earshot. I threw up my hands and sang at the top of my lungs "Hellooooooo everybodyyyyyy!!!" Sustaining the note until I could round the corner. Why. Why.