Thoughts on being a daytime contact lens wearer and nighttime glasses wearer
  1. That dark spot on the tile in the shower
    It could be fuzz. But it's probably a deadly spider. Better stand still and see if it moves. I'm sure everyone will understand if I'm late.
  2. Crashing somewhere for the night
    And walk-of-shaming it home in the morning, wiping the pus from your eyes
  3. The panic in the morning when you wake up and your glasses aren't where they should be
  4. Ceiling fans. Standing fans. Car air conditioning. The wind.
    I'm just gonna close my eyes now because my contacts are turning into tiny hard frisbees on my retinas. I'm fine. Really.
  5. On a glasses day, walking into a crowded hot room from the cold outdoors
    Ha! Ha! Isn't it just a hoot when your glasses steam up and your vision is obstructed? I love that we get to share this moment
  6. Everyone knows it's bullshit that your contact lens prescription expires every year but no one can do anything about it.
    Here's $300, thanks for my 20/20 vision and my Stockholm syndrome
  7. Making out with glasses on. Snuggling with glasses on. Spooning with glasses on. Painful smooshing is inevitable.
    Oh. Oh. You're taking them off, that's cool… where are you putting them? I swear to God, if you crush them…