THINGS I HAVE TO DO BEFORE I LEAVE THE HOUSE, EVEN IF I'M LATE
- •Fill in my eyebrowsSo that my face takes on a distinctively human look
- •Check on that plant that miraculously came back to life after I killed itI'll never let it down again
- •Eat somethingEven if I'm just running out, keys in one hand, single tortilla wrap flopping in the other.
- •Try to poopAnything to avoid doing this in any other bathroom.
- •Check the news/weather headlinesIn case there's some reason I can turn around and go back to bed