THINGS THAT ARE WITCHCRAFT

  1. Memory foam
    My mattress topper makes my butt feel like it is suspended in space and time.
  2. The Whole Foods hotbar.
    Is there an army of tiny grandmothers in the back making all this delicious food all day long?
  3. People with great handwriting.
    How have they retained this skill without the forces of black magic?
  4. The faces of the cast of Wet Hot American Summer
    No one has aged a day, as evidenced by the new Netflix show. Does Michael Showalter have an attic full of aging paintings from the first movie?
  5. Honey
    Somewhere in the mountains of North Carolina, an insect throws up, and I get to put a sweet goo on my breakfast. Eventually I will be compelled to do their bidding.
  6. My rice cooker
    Perfect rice every time. There is ONE button! How?!?
  7. Spanx
    Whoever makes these things has clearly harnessed Time Lord technology because the surface area to booty volume does not add up.
  8. Morning people
    I'm on to you.
  9. Magic erasers!
    Suggested by   @shanaz
  10. E-Z Bake Ovens
    Suggested by   @joosh