THINGS YOU SAY TO YOUR PERIOD WHEN IT'S TWO DAYS LATE

  1. Welcome! Welcome, abundant flow of life! Your absence suggested I was with child!
  2. Oh god this hurts. I hate you for hurting, you stupid crampy, messy grossness. Stop hurting!
  3. I'm glad you waited until my crazy busy week was over! Now I can just relax.
  4. TWO DAYS LATE? GOD! YOU ARE FIRED! GTFO.
  5. Ok sorry I yelled. But I do have things to do today, so can you stop hurting?
  6. What do those cheerful ladies in the tampon commercials know that I don't?