WORKPLACE BATHROOM STRUGGLES

Being new kinda sucks.
  1. Your coworker talking to you through the stall while both of you pee loudly.
    Just don't. In this case, silence is less awkward than small talk. Or any talk. Is this just me?
  2. When a lady manager whom you answer to lets one loose in her stall.
    You're at the sink. You made eye contact when she came in. It's just the air that ekes out when you sit, so nbd right? But you know that she knows that you know… and it's awful.
  3. Not pooping when you desperately have to.
    Your visit was so unfortunately timed to coincide with someone else's.
  4. A successful, unwitnessed, quick number two and you try to be a good citizen and use the provided spray…
    And you get the effin spray all over you. Now everyone knows what you did.
  5. The worry that someone has noticed how long you're gone.
    Don't know why I care. No one else does. I just want to announce when I exit: "don't worry guys! I was texting on the toilet! I don't have dysentery!"
  6. Touching up makeup and someone sees you! Augggh!
    It's fine to bring out the brushes and eyeshadow palette at the club (not really) but I would prefer my female coworkers not witness this process.