My quirks that would make me a great character for someone's essay collection

  1. I don't eat seafood out of reverence for my childhood goldfish named "joe the mailman"
  2. Before I leave the house, I give each of my plants a kiss and tell them "I love you"
  3. I have a unique style of dancing which could be described as a gypsy air traffic controller who is completely oblivious that other people are in the room
  4. I can often be found lying under my coffee table in the dark arms crossed over my chest listening to coco Rosie
  5. My dialogue often consists of literary quotes
  6. The strangest of people are attracted to me, and I often engage them in conversation by provocation, which usually results in a saga of them stalking me for the next few years
  7. I always keep rollerblades in my trunk because you never know when you'll need them
  8. Every year I will convince everyone around me that I have developed a rare illness only to be embarrassed to find out I only have strep throat
  9. I am always telling stories about benign acquaintances I think are capable of kidnapping me