WAYS I BELIEVE I WILL DIE

In order of highest probability
  1. Abducted by a stalker and kept forever until I die of malnutrition
    Thank you ever crime show ever for planting this seed
  2. Chopped into pieces by a serial killer
    And then my body mailed in pieces to my loved ones
  3. Stabbed by one of my clients
    This has moved up in probability lately
  4. I will get innocently scared by someone but I will have a heart attack and die
    I'm too easily frightened, case and point I screamed very loudly at work thinking there was someone hiding behind my door, when in fact it was my coat hanging up
  5. A Blair witch ending where my fate is unclear but I never come back