THINGS MY GRANDMA HAS SAID AT THE DINNER TABLE

  1. *Holding her Cornish game hen up with both hands* "These look just like little babies, huh?"
  2. "When I gamble, you know how I never lose? It's because I only play with the money I win!"
  3. *Humming something that definitely isn't a song*
  4. "And you know why I picked that horse Chris? Because I saw him pee right before the race!"
  5. "Bada boop boop beeee" *continues humming*
  6. "You know back at the firm all the ladies loved me! And the guys loved me too! I was friends with everybody but some of the guys might have been just trying to get fresh, ha!"
  7. "My girdles have been a little too tight recently but Bud [my grandpa] picked me up some new fresh ones the other day!"