I went to Chipotle tonight and the couple behind me were too funny.
  1. They had a coupon for a free burrito/bowl/salad.
    It was from the "rain check" offer last week because #salmonella.
  2. They wanted to split their burrito bowl but he didn't want any salsa or cilantro.
    Because he had just had salsa.
  3. She wanted guac, he didn't.
    And with that, their disagreement began. They argued whether the guacamole would still be free if it was on the side. She said she'd rather be safe than sorry and ask to have the guac in the bowl, but on one side. He argued that they wouldn't charge them for a side of guac, the coupon would cover it.
  4. They were passionately arguing their sides
    It was hilarious and weird at the same time. She said they should just ask the employees when they got up there. He said he didn't want to have to deal with the confusion at the cashier and they were making it too complicated.
  5. He would get frustrated and fall silent and just stare off.
    It wasn't a really heated argument, per say. They were both determined but it wasn't, like, concerning.
  6. Then he asked me what I thought.
    My response: uhhhh 😬😬😬😬. Awkward laughter. She said that he shouldn't ask me, "what if she was on my side?"
  7. She said he should go sit down, that she would take care of it. So he did.
    It was simultaneously pathetic and adorable to watch him go sit at the bar by the windows, alone.
  8. She started chatting with me and we were laughing. She brings up that she really wants guac and chips and doesn't want to have to pay for them.
    I thought the free guac was an acceptable goal. But free chips, too?? Seemed a bit far fetched to me. Her justification: #salmonella
  9. Then we finally go through the line. I get my food and go to leave.
    She was behind me in line do I didn't get to witness her payment and if she got her free guac AND chips. I wave goodbye to her husband as I leave, he waves back.
  10. And that's how I thought the story would end, with no resolution.
    Did she end up with guac on the side? Were the chips free?
  11. I had to run to the store next door. When I finished there I was walking back to my car, on the other side of Chipotle.
    This was my chance! I would get to walk right in front of the window they were eating at.
  12. He saw me and started waving. He was mouthing something I couldn't understand.
    She also noticed me and started waving and smiling.
  13. I didn't know what he was mouthing.
    The confusion was killing me!
  14. Then I realized she was gesturing at her chip bag. They were mouthing "Free chips! Free guac!"
    They did it! (She did it!!) Free chips AND guac! I smiled and waved and shouted a little "yay!"
  15. I got in my car and drove off feeling like humans are really funny and I am grateful for weird connections and people being people.
    And I went home and ate my burrito bowl while watching Call the Midwife.