CRAZY THINGS I HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS WEEK

Boys are crazy, is what I've learned. I know my dad tried to tell me in third grade after the whole Robert-G.-stealing-my-shoes incident (for more on that please see I BET HE JUST LIKES YOU), but he can be smug now because he was right the whole time. JEEZ DAD YOU WERE RIGHT OKAY?
  1. One of the boys I tutor said he was taking over the world as Captain America.
    Not that crazy if you knew him, but for context, he is a tiny nine-year-old who also wants to run the US Treasury so he can put his face on the money. Literally.
  2. A high school friend dyed his hair blue.
    I'm not against blue hair as a rule, but I have been trying to make his hair great since the ninth grade and he was doing so well until this moment. He has until this incident been one of my hotter posse members, and now he looks like Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
  3. One of my most devious friends (and trusted Cards Against Humanity partners-in-crime) did not know what lying or deceit was until he was well into elementary school.
    Will later feature in his memoirs as the origins of his golden heart.
  4. My sister has a coworker who is straight-up racist to her face AND he missed several (SEVERAL) days of work to "deal with a breakup" even though apparently they're "still really good friends."
    If she's still your friend, then come to work like a professional and leave your slurs at home (like a professional) YA JERKFACE.
  5. @anagha999 told me the most insane breakup story I have ever heard.
    He not only cheated and lied about it, he straight-up MARRIED the other girl without saying anything. The story also featured intense cyberbullying, legal dilemmas, and overbearing parents from her, him, and the other girl.