HOW TO PLAY TRUE AMERICAN, OR AT LEAST HOW WE, A BUNCH OF AMERICANS, PLAYED OVER THE WEEKEND
"2016 election edition! You can do anything as long as you tweet about it!" The birthday girl was the President, the rest of us were various members of the Cabinet, Supreme Court, and representatives at her appointment. For optimal results, make sure everyone knows how American you are by asserting everything you do as the TRUE AMERICAN way.
- •Setup: Arrange cans in an X shape, with the king's cup in the center, also known as your American spirit of choice. Arrange furniture around the center island, with four spots near the corners, like a cake walk. Put the bin for the cans off to the side.
- •The ground is lava, and everything is a lie.If you fall in the lava, you must shotgun to rejoin the nation.
- •You can only refresh from the corners, and you must always hold at least one can but no more than three.When you're done with the can, you must yell "All trash belongs in the..." and everyone says, "JUNKYARD!" as you chuck it in. Cheers to you if you can make it.
- •Turns move in a clockwise fashion and everyone goes once per round.
- •You have three options on your turn: quotes, commonalities, or countdown.
- •Quotes: Start a quote and everyone tries to finish it. You get to pick who finished the quote to your standards, and cheers to the winner, who gets to move up a space.Four score and a long, long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make me smile.
- •Commonalities: Name two U. S. presidents and everyone speculates what they had in common. You get to pick the answer you like the best, and cheers to the winner, who gets to move up a space.Remember, everything can be, will be, and is a lie in the true America. Did you know that President Taft and President Cleveland both had bathtub fetishes? DOESN'T MATTER THEY DO NOW
- •Countdown: The classic move. Yell, "JFK!" and everyone responds, "FDR!" and puts up their numbers. Cheers to anyone with an unmatched number, because they get to move up a space.Pro tip: If your chair is starting to crumble under the weight of five people clinging to each other, have a Congressional hearing to uncoordinate numbers.
- •Shotgun to see who goes first, and start it off with a countdown.Executive Order 28472. The President gets to go first.
- •Once the last can is off the table, the first person to finish gets to toss their can in the junkyard and claim the king's cup as the winner of the game!Executive Order 39582. It's called the American Cup now. Cheers to FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!