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My little sister is almost 4 years younger than me, 5 years younger than my Irish-twin brother. Growing up she was so sweet and pink-cheeked and white-blonde and elfen that I thought of her as being made of cotton candy. I was all elbows and edges and dishwater hair and peeling tanlines. I was mean. She was paranoid.
  1. When we were little. "Raggedy Ann did not survive the operation."
    My brother and I decided to dissect her doll to find its music box. But we couldn't sew her back up. So we doused the doll in lighter fluid and burned her remains in the kitchen sink. She took this to mean I executed her doll.
  2. As tweens. "The door is on my side of the room. If you don't want to do my laundry you can just go out the window."
    She took this to mean she had to do my laundry, become a shut-in, or be killed by spiders. (To be fair, that one she got right. That was exactly what I meant).
  3. As teens, "Aw, look at her bras!"
    I said this to my brother's friends. I still didn't need a bra then, a fact about which I was horribly insecure. She took this to mean I thought she was a slut.
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10 years ago I rescued a malnourished dandruffy black kitten with a giant bobblehead because she meowed every time I walked into animal control. I love her very much. She loves my husband.
  1. Peeing on my shoes.
  2. Scratching at the door to sound like a serial killer then running away when I open the door.
  3. Twitching the end of her tail in my direction. I'm sure this is her way of flipping me off.
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  1. My computer's hard drive is full.
  2. My backup drive won't boot.
  3. My phone wants an update but says there is no room for an update.
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Our bigdumbdog Jakobi has a heavy head. We know because he's always resting it on people and things. He's a sweet dog but a little broken.
  1. Standing is fine so long as he can rest his head.
  2. This doesn't even look comfortable.
  3. Just gonna rest his head on his paw.
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I obviously have a problem. And debt.
  1. Scarves (for heat not for prettiffying)
  2. Sweatshirts/light jackets/sweaters
  3. Expensive pens
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  1. Elasticized denim
  2. Vicodin
  3. Sleep number
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