Ways My Cat Tells Me What She Really Thinks of Me

10 years ago I rescued a malnourished dandruffy black kitten with a giant bobblehead because she meowed every time I walked into animal control. I love her very much. She loves my husband.
  1. Peeing on my shoes.
  2. Scratching at the door to sound like a serial killer then running away when I open the door.
  3. Twitching the end of her tail in my direction. I'm sure this is her way of flipping me off.
  4. Meowing at my husband when I say her name.
  5. Ignoring me until I get on the phone for a business call, at which point she howls like a bitter hungry baby.
  6. Only eating the food at the edge of the feeder and then screeching at visitors like I'm starving her.
  7. Dipping her paw in the water bowl and licking it off so she can keep one eye on me while she drinks.
  8. Dragging my scarf over to where I left my shoes so she can more efficiently pee on more of my stuff.
  9. Giving me this face because I didn't heat up the bacon.