Online Dating Woes

According to 3 single 27 year old roommates, featuring real quotes from online "matches" on Bumble/Tinder/Grindr. Special guest appearances: Chardonnay and shame.
  1. β€’
    "Hey there Carolyn!"
    Seemingly normal & friendly! I respond in an equal manor, no response. Classic.
  2. β€’
    Nothing else, just Yo. I'm not your frat bro buddy...use your words.
  3. β€’
    "HeyπŸ˜‰.....whats the kinkest u have ever done?πŸ™ˆ "
    Emojis and all. Straight out of the gate....Single life is glamorous you guys.
  4. β€’
    "Hello. How are you? So what are you looking for? A relationship? A friend? A hookup?"
    So many questions in one message. I appreciate the directness on this impersonal platform but like, chill.
  5. β€’
    "Are you my appendix? Because I don't know how you work but the feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out"
    Real life. No words for this guy.
  6. β€’
    "Hey, let's fuck"
    0 to 60 on Grindr sometimes.
  7. β€’
    Welp, there's no response to this one.
  8. β€’
    Unfortunately these could go on forever....what a time to be alive. Or something like that πŸ™„