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  1. I soiled myself... Where do I buy fresh pants?
  2. I love dogs
  3. True life: I queef on command
6 more...
  1. "I knew leaving my Invisalign at home was a good idea!"
  2. "You have crohns? OMG I have IBS. Race ya to the bathroom!"
  3. In response to someone trying to compliment my shirt- " I'll sell it to you for 40 bucks." Sold! Takes layer one off aka a boys tall T ski shirt that I got fo free! counts money while wearing my second layer.. A white t shirt.
12 more...
  1. Static cling
  2. Ignorant people
  3. Fascists
9 more...
  1. Hangover
  2. Togetherness
  3. Oeace
2 more...
First and foremost, I am happy to have a life that allows me to drive in mini vans and eat at drive thrus...
  1. 1. Will I get the bucket seat ?
  2. Does the door open automatically or will I have to slide it?
  3. If the doors are automatic- am I going to open them or will the driver ?
4 more...
  1. I'd invite all people who embrace sharing love , kindness, and a sense of humour with the world...
  2. That being said, anyone who is a bully is welcome to come and receive a hug and the love that he or she has clearly never received✌🏼️💝
  3. And I'd invite the 2004 Red Sox lineup to come DJ
Always wipe front to back @samanthagrace90
  1. You have to give to receive
  2. Double check that you DVRd in HD
  3. It's five o'clock somewhere
7 more...
  1. An OG Chicken and waffles joint
  2. Dolly world - get tetanus shot before visit and checked for any of the heps after visit.
  3. Papa New Guinea - how do they jam all that Weiner into one Birch tree jock strap without splinters?.. The madness of their ritualistic circumcision practices revealed..
7 more...
  1. 1. A second chance at a new life
  2. Friends ... "Friends" in more than one area code
  3. Instagram "likes" for days
4 more...