1. Being constantly judged by admissions officers is nothing like America's Next Top Model
  2. Alcohol tolerance is never set in stone
  3. The College Board is taking over the world
  4. There is literally nothing I cannot get out of through lying/crying/fainting
  5. DJ Khaled holds the keys to success
  6. The value of $60,000
  7. How much my parents want to get rid of me
  8. To memorize my SSN
  9. How to spin one day of community service into an extra curricular on the common app
  10. There is no limit to how much TV you can watch if you just believe
  11. I will never be able to cook for myself
  12. How to turn singular experiences into metaphors for my life in college essays
  13. The art of the swindle
  14. How long I can go without going to the gym without feeling like a lump
  15. Ditto showering
  16. How much I will miss my mom next year
  17. How incompetent I am in the kitchen
  18. How to fake parallel park
  19. How to make appointments for myself (limited to hair and dentist)
  20. My tolerance for people I hate
  21. How to change the subject when adults want to talk about college