1. She asked me not to go.
    I left the address on there please don't be weird and stalk them.
  2. She's 14, the most uncomfortable age in every human's life.
  3. I'm sure there'll be a bajillion pics.
  4. If it makes her feel marginally less anxious about her first fancy dance, then I've got no problem staying right here on this soft Claire-shaped sofa.
  5. Anyhow, she knew I didn't want to go at all.
    I'm pretty verbal.
  6. And that I'm so tired of these private school people
  7. And these stupid rituals
  8. And the Spanx and Chardonnay
  9. And the posturing and striving and aggressive smugness of these boring trumpholes
  10. So she let me off the hook, and I did her a solid.
  11. Win/win.