So I work part-time as a cashier/waitress/etc. at American franchise burger joint Smashburger, which is considered "fast casual"—a sort of sit-down, super-quick service restaurant. So ya get the best of both worlds. And oh, is there a whole bunch of shit I really don't need to hear and see that I do end up hearing and seeing on a daily basis.
  1. Come five minutes before closing.
    Proceed to ask what time we close. "Oh, 10 o'clock? Ah, great, I made it!" Go on to order a meal that could end world hunger. Get it to stay!
  2. Come in at opening, ON THE DOT. Complain when certain items aren't prepared yet and/or take a while to be served to you.
    Most restaurants are still prepping a lot of food items at their exact opening times. If you seriously expect things to be served as quickly to you as they would be, say, midday, you've got another thing coming.
  3. Walk up and order something while having a conversation with someone else on your phone.
    Shush the cashier while they're politely attempting to take your order—they don't have feelings or a job to do!
  4. Leave a giant mess on your table when dining in.
    Leave a treetrunksworth of napkins on your eighty trays and half-eaten food along with Starbucks cups, gum wrappers, and anything purchased from an outside establishment on your table for workers to clean up. Encourage your children to squirt a puddle of ketchup onto the table and write words into the table! Don't even bother to clean it up 🙃
  5. Give major attitude when ordering.
    Like, MAJOR. Pretend you had the worst day of your life: your super hot significant other cheated on you and dumped your lame ass, you got a flat tire, you slipped on a banana peel, your pet fish Reginald just died and now you have to order your Classic Smashburger and fries. GO!
  6. If there's a problem with your food, grab the tray, stomp up to the nearest employee, and start screaming at them.
    Be sure to snort a line of cocaine before you do so. Get angry!
  7. Have absolutely no idea what's on the menu. Decide when you get there!
    It's not like you came to this particular establishment because you wanted one item in particular. No, no. You came here to wing it. Stare at the menu for a few hours. Hold up the line. You'll figure it out.
  8. Walk where employees are sweeping.
    Ask if you can sit at tables clearly already cleaned and swept under for the night when there's a full dining room of other tables you could sit at. Totally cool. We love doing double the work.