THINGS I WOULD PAY BIG 💰 FOR

I've never been smart with my money
  1. My digital camera last seen in a bar in Barcelona in 2009
    Mostly because it contains hilarious fun house mirror pictures of Erin (@crossetter) looking like Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas and the world deserves to see them.
  2. A drunk sponge
    A theoretical idea discussed many nights in college. You slap on a patch and instantly feel the effects of alcohol without the hard work of drinking--should be more aptly named a drunk patch but for some reason we were very keen on the term sponge.
  3. McDonald's grade Coca-Cola soda fountain installed in my apt
  4. A personal trainer to help me work off the effects of the McDonald's grade Coca-Cola soda fountain installed in my apt
  5. Fast food delivery services
  6. The ability to teleport
  7. A superpower enabling me to get my students to follow my directions, always
    It'll be a cold day in hell before that ever happens.
  8. Video footage from when I broke my ankle
    Very drunk during grad school. Somehow shattered it to pieces falling max 2 feet from a 3 man piggyback ride. Very interested in seeing the playback
  9. My dignity back