RE: SKILLS I HAVE THAT DON'T BELONG ON A RÉSUMÉ

Inspired by @kellyadoran. Because I had something to say to each one of your points
  1. 1.
    No. You can't. You are a superhuman goddess. How is this real? Also, you're blonde? I think? Wow. We have a lot to talk about.
  2. 2.
    I totally have clowning on my resume, although I can see how that is irrelevant.
  3. 3.
    Same.
  4. 4.
    Also, look at you being here again. Cool.
  5. 5.
    Also, hi.