10 things I'd tell 16yo me

10 ways that your life changes, that may surprise you!
  1. 1.
    Ease up on the meat and eat some fruit and veg, dummy.
    You get kidney stones twice and it's like giving birth to a pineapple through your penis.
  2. 2.
    Your life is going to be great
    Your tactic of keeping your mouth shut so people think you smart is working great. 😂 You still dumb.😂
  3. 3.
    Turkey is a great substitute to pork.
    Apparently there's bad meat and less-bad meat like turkey. Yes turkey still sucks but works well as bacon or sausages.
  4. 4.
    You move to London!
    It's great. You'll never tire of it and home ownership is bourgeois like beards and designer glasses 👓 .
  5. 5.
    You find someone to share your life with
    and it's not nearly as much compromise as people in romcoms imply.
  6. 6.
    You can watch every TV show and movie on the Internet through your TV
    Unfortunately they keep making great TV and movies and there will be too much to see everything. You still try in vain.
  7. 7.
    The internet gets better in strictly functional ways
    It gets worse in depths of human-decency ways
  8. 8.
    Horde Pret a Monger Caramel Coffee Popcorn during the 6 weeks they are available, in the summer of 2012.
    They are crack.
  9. 9.
    Your parents split up
    You come out of it better off but you're pretty much the only one.
  10. 10.
    Dude- they make 2 sequels to your favorite movie, The Matrix!
    Eh? How great are they? Heheh ok buddy - good talk.