Top 10 rules of writing top 10 lists

The definitive guide for definitive list development and production.
  1. 1.
    Make non-analogous references to direct experiences from your life in your writing.
    People didn't start reading this list only for your educated opinion - let's add a lil colour commentary about something that happened to you once, you thought while writing this.
  2. 2.
    Be sure to write in the most severe academic tone, no matter the topic.
    Your opinion is well informed and your list could comfortably be written in stone. Because your opinion is as good as fact and will never change in years, let alone decades to come.
  3. 3.
    Write your opinions as if fact and your facts as if jokey trivia tidbits
    Your opinion is your reputation and well respected. People rely on it and you have empirical evidence that they do. But hey did you know? Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho was the first American film to show a toilet flushing. Fun.
  4. 4.
    20% of the list should be absolutely incendiary choices/opinions
    Otherwise why write a list in the first place?
  5. 5.
    The list should be at least 50% non-controversial, obvious choices/opinions
    You're not crazy - people need to know you like the good stuff too. Also a lot of people share your opinion and you have empirical evidence.
  6. 6.
    That 50% of non-controversial, obvious choices/opinions should include references to all the awards they won
    Awards are empirical evidence that something is good because all awards are the products of meritocracies.
  7. 7.
    Numbering your list can be entirely incidentally except for #1
    No one remembers #2, let alone #7 - don't sweat it.
  8. 8.
    Your #1 should be your most incendiary pick
    Anything less would be a waste of your reader's time and if they vehemently disagree, you've captured their interest = MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
  9. 9.
    Don't forget to make derisive comments to the modern equivalents of your choices
    You were mercifully lucky to not be born in this generation and you are benevolently teaching your readers of the golden era of your youth. The lack of Internet and inclusion of basic diversity, kinda made it easier for the geniuses of your time to focus on being awesome.
  10. 10.
    Write Your #1 pick first
    Makes sense as this list was just a vehicle for this opinion in the 1st place. Everything else on the list was shaped around it anyway.