Reasons Why My Mother-in-Law and I Do Not Get Along

Listen, this woman is a boss. She's a former U.S. attorney, she raised four kids, including one on the autism spectrum, and she loves her family. I love her because she is my husband's mom, but she is ridiculous and I just need to vent.
  1. She never ever asks; she just assumes and plans
    I'm not saying I need a written proposal on things, but I'd shit twice and die if she ever asked about visiting vs. saying "Hey we are coming to see you in October."
  2. She doesn't like confrontation/disagreement
    I'm talking minuscule things, like she gets visibly annoyed if we don't want to go to the restaurant she wants to go to, so you can imagine how well it goes when we disagree about a bigger issue. Her husband and sons never really challenged her on things (they are all super easygoing), so she is used to getting her way with very little work on her part.
  3. She insists on calling my husband by his childhood nickname, which makes me feel like I married a small child and it's gross
    He hasn't gone by this name since middle school, he has never called himself by this name in the eight years I have known him, and it's sad that she calls a 28 year old man this name. It's weird.
  4. She had very specific dreams for her daughters-in-law, and she is very disappointed that none of us meet those expectations
    After we have spent hours in the car getting to you, we don't want to get back in the car to drive to the outlet malls hours away. You live in a million-dollar neighborhood, so no, none of us will be moving in down the street. Just appreciate who we are instead of being mad that we aren't just like your dream daughter that you never had.
  5. She asks inappropriate/stupid favors
    She always asks my husband to use his military discount on family trips, which is actually only supposed to be used for him and his dependents, and people like her are why more places don't offer military discounts. It makes us feel weird and kinda icky. She also asked all of us to email someone to recommend her youngest son for a job and I was like, "Well we are his family, so our recommendation won't carry a lot of weight" and she was furious at me for not helping.
  6. She tries to compete with me in having contact with her son
    This was weird. When my husband was deployed, he'd call me whenever he pulled into port. Then if he had time and the time difference wasn't awful, he'd call his parents. His mom would then immediately call me and be like, "He called! He's in Thailand!" and then be SO disappointed and surprised when I would be like, "Yup, he called me, he sounds great!" Like she couldn't believe he called me before her. Why was this an issue?!?
  7. This year, she called to tell me it was my husband's birthday
    Is this not the most passive-aggressive thing you have ever heard? And then she got mad that I talked to him and he didn't answer her call (he was doing Navy stuff for 15 hours a day, take a chill pill)
  8. I know (or at least hope) that some of this behavior comes from a place of love, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with
  9. For now, I am thankful that we live an 18 hour drive away and that you can screen phone calls nowadays