Skills That I Can't Put On My Resume

  1. Assembling IKEA furniture
    I really don't find it that difficult. I know that's a running joke, but I don't understand the frustration.
  2. Finding online promo codes
    I will scour the entire Internet before I pay for shipping.
  3. Remembering the birthdays of long-forgotten acquaintances
    It's honestly a bit embarrassing. There are other things I'd rather remember. But I'll be damned if I can't forget that my middle school boyfriend Garrett was born on September 27th
  4. Organizing but not cleaning
    I hate mopping and dusting. But I will organize a pile of documents quickly and my house is clutter-free because I get agitated if there is too much "stuff."
  5. Thinking of completely unrealistic scenarios and planning my reaction to those events accordingly
    I don't know what's for dinner tonight, but I do know what I'll do if a woman next to me goes into labor at the grocery store
  6. Getting people to give me things for free (not on purpose; it just seems to happen)
    Ex. Last night, I was at a hockey game and wanted a Sprite. We already had a cup from earlier so we didn't need another one. I brought it to the stand asked, "Can you just refill this or do I need to buy another cup?" The lady looked a bit confused, shrugged, and refilled my cup. I said thanks and gave her my credit card, and she just said, "Don't worry about it." 🎉👍🏼
  7. Giving people nicknames and sticking with them
    My friend Jake was christened Fuzzy after a particularly-close buzzcut freshman year of high school, and he still answers to that name ten years later 👍🏼