Things I Have Said To People Who Ask When We Are Going To Have Kids

These situations are particularly difficult for me as we have actually been trying to have a baby for over a year now. We aren't exactly comfortable broadcasting that information, so this question is really just like a knife in the fucking stomach
  1. College friend #1: "I don't answer questions like that."
    He then continued to press until his wife hit him in the stomach and changed the subject (bless her).
  2. Husband's coworker: "Um... someday?"
    Said as a question because who fucking knows at this point.
  3. Random acquaintance #1: "Do you believe that we actually landed on the moon?"
    Blatant subject change to make his head spin. Very satisfying.
  4. Uncle: "Why? You interested in providing some college fund money?"
    This got him started on a tangent about how much he's spending to send his kids to college, which was a perfect distraction
  5. Random acquaintance #2: "How about them Cowboys?"
    She just looked at me weirdly and walked away. I am completely comfortable with that ending.
  6. College friend #2: "Why are you so interested in my uterus?"
    She said that since she's a doctor, she can ask me questions like this 😐 I pointed out that she's not my doctor, so I'm not going to discuss it with her.
  7. Random acquaintance #3: "We're waiting to see how this election turns out first."
    This gets people ranting about the election, so again, great distraction.
  8. My husband's response to everyone: "We welcome all of the children," (a Pope John Paul II quote) which he repeats over and over as the person asks more questions
    By the third follow-up question, they usually give up.
  9. PSA: don't ask people about their plans for procreation