Tips for Surviving Elevator Chit-chat

  1. Ask what everything in the elevator does.
  2. Read aloud anything that appears on that small television.
  3. Speak only in Borat quotes.
  4. Yell, “RED BUTTON ROLLER COASTER!!!” and push the emergency stop.
  5. Propose a quiet game of “who can stare at the floor longest?”
  6. Nod thoughtfully and slowly pull your winter hat down over your face.
  7. See how many times you can wink without it being weird.
  8. Reassure everyone that elevator accidents are statistically rare. Three times in a row.
  9. Laugh way too loud and continue until you reach your floor.
  10. Do your best to behave like an empathetic human being...
    ...who understands that participating in a brief though trivial conversation with another human being isn’t some sort of great struggle to be overcome, but rather a simple and momentary connection that might just offer a glimpse of the truth that we are all in this together and how the smallest attempts to connect often reveal our best.
  11. Take the stairs.