POSSIBLE EPITAPHS

When the time comes, and I hope this doesn't become a weirdly prescient final social media post, carve my gravestone thusly:
  1. "Couldn't refresh feed."
  2. "No smoking within 15 feet."
    Please enforce.
  3. Red-lit "Darkroom In Use" sign
  4. "Died trying."
  5. "Beloved daughter, sister, ex-girlfriend who always supported your new relationships."
  6. "It wasn't the gluten."
  7. "Reincarnating brb"
  8. "Jacyln"
    In barista/hostess handwriting
  9. "❤️ 132 Likes"
    One for each person that requests it by the gravestone carving deadline.
  10. "Does this mound of dirt make me look fat?"
  11. "Leave the New Yorkers right here, they're mine I paid for the full subscription I will get the full subscription."
  12. "Actually it's 'fewer'."
  13. "She got [older and older] and you won't BELIEVE what happened next!"
    Can be replaced with "sicker and sicker" or whatever the case may be.
  14. "Pretty sure I said cremate."