Three Happy Moments From Today

Today's been a real peach.
  1. 1.
    Got a contact lens stuck in my right eye at the optometrists office
    The lady with giant fingernails had to get it out for me.
  2. 2.
    Enjoyed the nice surprise of explosive diarrhea at said optometrist appointment.
    Damn you, chicken wings for breakfast.
  3. 3.
    The lady that cut my hair complimented my shirt AND gave me a free shampoo and head massage.
    No happy ending though. Bummer.