OVERHEARD IN THE WORKPLACE

things the brand team of a furniture and home decor company say
  1. "that looks like a nipple"
  2. "I love saying modern, I wish I could say it all the time"
  3. "I love saying inspired"
    same conversation as above
  4. "I like [real housewives of] new york better than OC"
  5. "he didn't rain on my parade, he shat on it"
  6. "my dog's name is Todd. if you meet him, he's such a Todd"
  7. "I think Giada's bored, she needs to find a new husband. but I'm happy she wants to work with us"
  8. "I'll meet you in the bunkbed"
    when your conference rooms are home and furniture related
  9. "where's the pouf?"
  10. "what happened to your wrist?" "I got it from bitch slapping you"
    it actually happened from dead lifting 300 pounds in a corset, black short shorts, and heels. actually.
  11. "is 'spellable' a real word?"
  12. "this jumpsuit makes me feel like a big baby"
  13. "meet the company's new pet squad"
  14. "shots later?"
  15. "I don't want to smash the remote controlled mouse because it looks like an animal and I would feel bad"
  16. "I saw Kate upton in the airport and she just looked like a normal person with huge boobs"
  17. "I charged 20 bottles of vueve to my moms credit card to bring to Miami for NYE with my 15 yr old sister"
    story followed with storyteller in a car with a drunk Brittany Snow
  18. "the bedrock of my psyche might be made out of Swiss cheese"
  19. "my favorite lyric from a hip hop song is 'I get more ass than a toilet seat'"
  20. "I'm not much into vegetables these days"
  21. "the script had me saying 'I love a good floral arrangement' and I was thinking, how did they make a gay male sound even more gay?!"