Amateur Hour on a Plane

You're an air travel amateur (and an annoying one at that) if you:
  1. Bring your smelly take out food on board and eat it. Extra demerits if your flight is less than two hours. No one is that hungry. You CAN get by.
  2. You wear sweats. Come on. We don't need to see that. At least try to be classy.
  3. You let your luggage bang into everyone as you walk down the aisle when boarding. Yes, it's cramped quarters. Even more reason to be conscious of whom you're assaulting with your luggage as you walk on by. Tip: the lower to the ground the better. Take off your backpacks, take off your purses and shoulder bags and hold them in front or behind you.
  4. You bring a pillow from your bed to cuddle up with. Stop. This isn't camp.
  5. You don't think ahead about what you bring on board and, if absolutely necessary, what you must check, especially if you're a lower boarding group. Don't make us all wait while you fumble with your excessive carry ons because you didn't think ahead.
  6. When lining up for boarding (hours in advance!) you pretend to be clueless or in a hurry and try to get in an earlier boarding group. The agent WILL stop you and make you wait. And we WILL all silently laugh at you. It's not worth your humiliation.
  7. No kids under 12 in first class. Ever.
  8. No kids under 12 in first class. Ever. It was worth repeating.