What Happens When You Get Upgraded to First Class

  1. 1.
    Don't seem like a newb. Act like you've done this before. every time before.
  2. 2.
    Watch people file past, but make eye contact with no one. Just keep a permanent semi-grin on your face because you don't want people to think you're that grumpy asshole in first class.
  3. 3.
    laugh at yourself for preloading all of transparent season 2 on your iPad before your flight. you're not going to need it.
  4. 4.
    scroll through the the FREE movie list and suddenly be filled with ennui. When everything is free, nothing seems that appealing
  5. 5.
    roll eyes at the newb right next to you, pawing at his screen like a Neanderthal because he doesn't see the remote control on the dashboard
  6. 6.
    when the flight attendant asks you if you'd like champagne, orange juice or water, reply back with, after a moment's pause, with "the former" because you're fancy as fuck now
  7. 7.
    spend the entire time she's gone wondering if it's complimentary
    (it's complimentary)
  8. 8.
    wonder if the BOSE(r) noise cancelling headphones were sanitized after the previous flight and then not even care
    lalalala can't hear you
  9. 9.
    decide to watch The Martian completely horizontal in your A321T full recline single seat. not even because it's the most comfortable. simply because you can.
  10. 10.
    feel like a human slug from the movie Wall-E. then, don't even care
  11. 11.
    halfway through the Martian, wonder if the latest mission impossible was rogue nation or ghost protocol. go back and forth about this in your mind for a bit and lament the days before the Internet.
  12. 12.
    want to go to sleep since in your days of flying coach all you ever dreamed about was flying first class and getting to stretch and sleep, but now wanting to be awake to appreciate every second
  13. 13.
    eat a lot. starting with a warm pretzel and a pat of butter, plus a tray of warm mixed nuts.
  14. 14.
    sushi cake with crab meat
  15. 15.
    pretty good beet salad
  16. 16.
    yummy quinoa and barley pilaf with a red pepper sauce, roasted kale and grilled artichokes
  17. 17.
    impatiently wait for dessert
  18. 18.
    realize not using scarf as a makeshift pillow, instead resting head on full size pillow. stop being brat
  19. 19.
    scarf down Ben & jerry's vanilla ice cream sundae with caramel sauce and pecans
    ice cream was a little too cold
  20. 20.
    fall asleep for 20 minutes and see cookie has magically appeared on tray table
  21. 21.
    wonder if there is a celebrity on your flight
  22. 22.
    convince yourself that there is a celebrity in the row diagonally in front of you
  23. 23.
    act like everything is normal at the end of the flight when they take the BOSE(r) noise canceling headphones from you either to sanitize them or make sure you don't steal them?
  24. 24.
    take your toiletry bag but be cool about it
  25. 25.
    Sit up and hug knees like all the skinny and petite girls get to do in coach
  26. 26.
    Never want to deplane.