WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY
A never-ending list.
- 1.A dogYou mean sleep all day, play, be happy & fed without needing a full-time job? I was clearly wise beyond my years.
- 2.A teacherA total lie. But at least I knew better than the weird girl who blurted out "Princess."
- 3.A singerMy first single: "Everything's Green In the Bathroom." I know, right? We could have gone platinum.
- 4.An TV informercial spokespersonAm I the only one who would conduct my own shows during bathtime? Let's not even discuss my obsessions with Nads.
- 5.A non-alcoholic bartenderMy ruby red grapefruit + fresca mixes are still all the rage.
- 6.A writerI owe all of my writing chops to Teen Open Diary.
- 7.A fashion magazine editorYou know, when magazines were a thing.
- 8.A psychologistWhen reality hit and I realized that an English degree won't get you far but that all of my years dealing with my crazy family would.
- 9.A lawyerWhen I realized that all of the people in the Psychology department were actually crazy.
- 10.An advertising graduateWhen I realized that I was crazy and bored by all things law. Being able to work on cool brands? Sign me up!