THINGS I HAVE SAID TO AVOID SOCIAL GATHERINGS

Because "I just don't want to go" is impossible to admit.
  1. My cat is giving birth.
    He was a male.
  2. Oh no, you don't have to pick me up. I can find a ride.
  3. I have a Netflix date with my mom.
    Spoiler alert: it's actually a Netflix date with myself.
  4. I'm having an allergic reaction to [fruit I don't like]. I should rest.
  5. I'm going to be out of the country.
    [aggressively avoids posting on social media for three to five business days so I can't be geotagged]
  6. Oh, I thought you meant next week. Sorry!
  7. I have a vet appointment. Wait you meant Friday? Dentist appointment. Maybe next time?
  8. This is her sister. She's dead. Please stop texting, we're grieving.
    Only to be used after the most terrifying date of your life.