5 THINGS YOU'LL HEAR AS AN AMERICAN LIVING IN THE UK
You're not as original as you think you are.
- 1."Why are you here?"I get that you don't want me here, but it's not my fault. I was taking a shortcut between my yard and the neighbor's but didn't know about the sinkhole that doubles as a vortex to different dimensions. After a long and arduous battle to return to this dimension--to my home reality--I ended up landing in the UK. Now I'm bussing tables to make ends meet and one day return to the States.
- 2."What do you think about the cold?"Oh, it's a very remarkable cold. Quite different from the cold I've experienced. America never gets cold, you see. We've climate controlled every possible indoor and outdoor experience one could ever have.
- 3."You drive on the wrong side of the road."Or any variation of this if it relates to owning a car. Typically, someone will say, "You only want to go there because you're American and petrol is cheap where you're from." I'll get this comment even after I've offered to pay for gas. In America, an 8 hour drive could get me to Memphis. Here, it can get me to Paris. OF COURSE WE'RE DRIVING GET IN LOSER
- 4."You Americans put sugar in everything."A sneaky way of claiming all Americans are fat, but I'm onto you. Are you trying to bait me into claiming no one in America is overweight? Of course we're not all super models! But you can't tell me you haven't seen morbidly obese people shopping in Tesco. I have. I assumed they were American.
- 5."You're saying that wrong."OF COURSE I AM; I'M NOT FROM HERE! LET ME LEARN.