CHILDREN OF QUEEN VICTORIA, RANKED
Victoria & Albert were prolific, but with varied results.
- •Princess Louise, Duchess of ArgyllBadass feminist sculptor. Half of Canada is named for her. Victoria wanted her to marry a prince, but she held out for a Scottish duke and won.
- •Princess Victoria, Princess RoyalSmartest. Fought for women's education. Was Empress of Germany for 99 days. Unfortunately gave birth to Kaiser Wilhelm II, but to be fair, she recognized that he was the worst.
- •King Edward VII of the United KingdomLiked to party, which was both a pro and a con. Super charming, fairly progressive on some issues for his time, liked to broker peace treaties. Champion of pomp and circumstance.
- •Princess Alice, Grand Duchess of HesseSupporter of advances in women's healthcare, good buddy of Florence Nightingale. Married a hot grand duke, although with sometimes troubling results. Died young and tragically, but gave the world a (tragic) Russian empress and, eventually, Prince Philip.
- •Prince Alfred, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and GothaSailor, violinist, wooer of a Russian grand duchess. Affie's rank improves because he had extremely interesting daughters, including a flamboyant Romanian queen and a twice-married princess whose nickname was "Ducky."
- •Princess Beatrice, Princess Henry of BattenbergInsisted on marrying a German prince even though Victoria wanted her as a spinster companion. Ended up as a widowed companion anyway when said prince died of malaria. Burned her mother's juiciest letters.
- •Prince Arthur, Duke of ConnaughtArmy officer, Canadian governor general. One of Victoria's favorites. Daughter became a Swedish crown princess. Really loved the army, and that's about it.
- •Prince Leopold, Duke of AlbanyHemophiliac who died after falling down the steps of his French villa, which is suitably dramatic, but ranking suffers seriously because his son was a super-passionate Nazi.
- •Princess Helena, Princess Christian of Schleswig-HolsteinInto nursing and needlework, but not especially interesting, unfortunately. Business-like, devoted to duty, etc. Apparently liked to stage whisper loudly.