Best Places to Poop That Aren't Your Own Home

  1. Starbucks
    Starbucks will always be my first choice for poopin' outside the home! Clean bathrooms, for the most part, and no guilt!
  2. Whole Foods
    Bathrooms not as clean, but not only do I not feel guilt, but I feel pride! You want to charge me what? Well, I guess that's fine as long as I can shit all over you
  3. Your parent's house
    Clean and in the presence of somebody who has wiped your butt a million times. Ain't no shame here!
  4. The middle of the desert
    Your ass stays nice warm, nobody's around, and you bury your loop with a shovel. Something about his is very satisfying - as long as you don't mind a little sand up your butt
  5. The basement bathroom at work
    Private & kind of dark. And if anyone else comes down there they are a/b to do the same thing so there is a sense of solidarity!
  6. Anywhere that you need a code or key
    As long as you look decent (i.e. not homeless) they will let you in even if you don't purchase anything! And if you are fast pooper like me they'll never even suspect you and you can walk out with you head held high!
  7. Starbucks!
    Just reiterating b/c there are so many around - so in case of an emergency you know you can find one! And I mean it's a coffee shop with questionable coffee - you know plenty of people have done a lot worse to the bathroom before you got there!