Reasons I'm Not Cool Enough for This Coffee Shop

  1. My dress is from Target
  2. I only have 3 tattoos, which is clearly not enough
  3. I don't have bangs
    Well, I do, but they are behind a Bobby pin at the moment
  4. I'm not 20
  5. I used to go to the bar that used to be here...
  6. I can't tell the difference between this very special coffee and diner coffee
  7. I'm not wearing a hip beanie
  8. Or leopard print...
  9. Even the lights are cooler than me
  10. I think it feels 'too industrial'
  11. I've never heard of the music they are playing
  12. I've never heard of the music the people next to me are chatting about
  13. I'm not wearing cool glasses
  14. I'm wearing tall boots
  15. I used half and half instead of soy
  16. My coat is from the Fleet Farm - a store from my hometown
  17. Actually, my coat is the coolest thing about me right now and I get lots of compliments on it
  18. So scratch that - Fleet Farm for life!
  19. My headband - it's a workout headband - so not cool
  20. Oh, Portland...